As I was going back through Christmas pictures today, I was struck by this one that was quickly snapped with my phone when I realized I never got a pretty picture of the girls sitting in front of the tree together:
It was a hilarious little moment in time as prior to this picture, I got one of Sam grabbing her big sisters face and laying a big wet one on her (something TOTALLY out of character for her, as Sam refuses to be kissed or kiss anyone-EVER), so I got a couple of genuine grins out of this shot. But that's not what caught me off guard in this picture. It's this part of the picture that caused me to inhale quickly and smile:
That bear, nestled into our tree, right above Liv's head? That was given to us by my grandma, my childrens great-grandma, for our someday-soon son.
While I was so busy feeling sad that we weren't able to celebrate Christmas with a new baby in our house, seeing this picture reminds me that God places everything perfectly in his time. Even a bear in a Christmas tree.
I had visions of our three kiddos placed sweetly in front of the tree with their matching outfits this year, when instead I got a big sister squeezing the life out of little sis, who is wearing her 3-day-old OSU jersey that she refuses to take off, and a sweet reminder in the way of a perfectly placed stuffed bear ornament, that God cares about the little things, just as he cares about the bigger things.
As I sit and wonder why our adoption process isn't moving as quickly as I would like, He knows about the birth mom, and her story. He's got her story, and ours, lined up just perfectly to meet someday soon.
While I'm having my pity party as a result of not being able to dress my kiddos in a hideously matched fashion, what is she doing? Maybe she's grieving. Maybe she went through Christmas knowing that the child she is carrying would not be a child she would raise. Maybe she went through Christmas wondering if she made the right choice in carrying the baby at all.
While I pout and stomp my foot at the fact that we haven't hit our goal financially for our adoption, I am reminded that God has my back. He's got this. And birth mom? He's got her back too. However she got to the place she's at- whatever decisions shes made to get to the point she's at now, I can rest assured that he is holding her hand, and ours, the entire way to our meeting place. And that brings me some peace.
Hugs to you, friend!
ReplyDeleteOh my dear sweet Abby,
ReplyDeleteHow awesome that you have this blog to share your feelings with us! Just yesterday my daughter and I...remember, we are an adoptive family of blended origins...she & I were talking about writing a book someday or creating a web site for other families with exceptional stories as a resource and sounding board for us and others to share our crazy journeys. It's easy to look back now & know that we came together exactly as God planned...Just as it was easy then, when the social worker said our son might have cerebral palsy and did we "still want to proceed" to make the decision that God wanted for us. It was incredibly terrifying but somehow we knew it was the right choice...and here we are 20 yrs later with 2 amazing kids and an awesome son-in-law. The "cerebral palsy" I suspect, was a bit of contentiousness and now we have a son who is brilliant, funny, caring and passionate about life. Have faith my friend....our "labor" with our first, who is the light of my life, was 3 years...our 2nd "labor" was a mere 8 months of endless paperwork, bills and topped with the threat of a handicapped child...God said jump and we said how high?! I would do it all a thousand times over in a heartbeat for the amazing family we have today. Take a deep breath and keep the faith! I love you all!!! Jan